always...

Wow, it's been a while. Okay, so I just realized recently why I've always questioned my faith. Why I've always repeated the prayer of salvation and went up and declared myself a new Christian again and again. Why I never felt like I was really saved. It's because God doesn't feel real to me. I look around at all you guys and I feel, I don't know, I just see that all of you have an awesome passion for Christ. I always wondered why I didn't. I wanted to, it just wouldn't come to me. Then after my grandpa's leukemia proved to be false after all the praying I'd done, He did feel real to me and I started to try and increase my faith by praying and reading my Bible. It's just....I know God is real. I know He is. I feel it. I just don't feel Him. Do you know what I mean? It's just...whenever I pray, I feel like I'm either talking to an invisible wall or myself. I don't feel like I'm talking to the Creator. I've just always felt this way, and that's why I've never thought I was truly saved. I joined youth alive and prayer group to try and increase my faith, but it's not working. I don't know what to do. I've just always felt this way.

Have a good day!